Be kinder to yourself.
And then let your kindness flood the world.
And then let your kindness flood the world.
To The One Who Hurt Me Way Back When,
They say that new levels bring new devils. They say that testing and trials are preparation for elevation and blessing. And they say when this happens that God is developing us in the areas we’ll need to be strong in for the conditions on those new levels. I subscribe to these beliefs and I thank God for making time to develop my character before blessing me, so that I may properly receive the blessings and operate on new levels responsibly with gratitude and humility…
But what about old pain? Why does it sometimes come up again in a new form?
I'm asking: Lord, why is he acting this way toward me when it took me years to forgive him from the old hurt he caused?
The pain was deep. It left all kinds of scars and trauma. On the surface I was seemingly okay, but there was insecurity, doubt, and that feeling that I wasn’t worthy--that nothing I could do would ever be good enough.
Eventually, I identified the source of the hurt (words/actions), pinpointed the habits that caused the hurt to linger and have lasting effects, and I prayed for help forgiving you. And our relationship was manageable--positive even. Done. Cool… (though not that quick or simple)
But now… Now you act like you don’t even like me (Ha!). You have a judgement and a criticism for every decision I make. You assume things... You resent my progress and my process. You won’t take the time to get to know me. Maybe you want me to be the same person I was when I was weak, totally dependent on you, and silent about everything.
Now I’m wondering… why is this pain being recycled? What happened to us moving forward in love?
They say that everyone in your life isn’t there for every season. They say you can’t take everyone in your life with you to your next level. And they say that even those who you thought were close to you often don’t have your best interest at heart.
But we are stuck with each other and maybe this is your process as much as it is mine.
The Lord has been teaching me about honor recently, and I’ve been convicted about the ways in which I’ve dishonored people in my life with my words when I felt like I was wronged. I would indulge in the opportunity to defame anyone who I felt had hurt or offended me. This was damaging because of the picture I created of those I spoke negatively about (even if there was truth to the narrative), and it was a poor/ugly reflection of my own character and development. So instead of allowing what feels like unfair treatment to influence how I react to you, I will honor your position in my life even if it hurts. I will respond in love and let the Lord fight for me. Since He is teaching me this lesson in honor, I am confident that He will strengthen and empower me to take reminders of old pain and recycle them in ways that reflect His love. Though I am guarding my heart, I will not allow myself to become cold. I will not allow my hurt to hurt others. I will honor my Father in heaven as I honor you.
The One You Hurt Way Back When
David Spares Saul’s Life
'After Saul returned from fighting the Philistines, he was told that David had gone into the wilderness of En-gedi. So Saul chose 3,000 elite troops from all Israel and went to search for David and his men near the rocks of the wild goats.
At the place where the road passes some sheepfolds, Saul went into a cave to relieve himself. But as it happened, David and his men were hiding farther back in that very cave!
“Now’s your opportunity!” David’s men whispered to him. “Today the Lord is telling you, ‘I will certainly put your enemy into your power, to do with as you wish.’” So David crept forward and cut off a piece of the hem of Saul’s robe.
But then David’s conscience began bothering him because he had cut Saul’s robe. He said to his men, “The Lord forbid that I should do this to my lord the king. I shouldn’t attack the Lord ’s anointed one, for the Lord himself has chosen him.” So David restrained his men and did not let them kill Saul.
After Saul had left the cave and gone on his way, David came out and shouted after him, “My lord the king!” And when Saul looked around, David bowed low before him.
Then he shouted to Saul, “Why do you listen to the people who say I am trying to harm you? This very day you can see with your own eyes it isn’t true. For the Lord placed you at my mercy back there in the cave. Some of my men told me to kill you, but I spared you. For I said, ‘I will never harm the king—he is the Lord ’s anointed one.’ Look, my father, at what I have in my hand. It is a piece of the hem of your robe! I cut it off, but I didn’t kill you. This proves that I am not trying to harm you and that I have not sinned against you, even though you have been hunting for me to kill me.
“May the Lord judge between us. Perhaps the Lord will punish you for what you are trying to do to me, but I will never harm you. As that old proverb says, ‘From evil people come evil deeds.’ So you can be sure I will never harm you. Who is the king of Israel trying to catch anyway? Should he spend his time chasing one who is as worthless as a dead dog or a single flea? May the Lord therefore judge which of us is right and punish the guilty one. He is my advocate, and he will rescue me from your power!”
When David had finished speaking, Saul called back, “Is that really you, my son David?” Then he began to cry. And he said to David, “You are a better man than I am, for you have repaid me good for evil. Yes, you have been amazingly kind to me today, for when the Lord put me in a place where you could have killed me, you didn’t do it. Who else would let his enemy get away when he had him in his power? May the Lord reward you well for the kindness you have shown me today. And now I realize that you are surely going to be king, and that the kingdom of Israel will flourish under your rule. Now swear to me by the Lord that when that happens you will not kill my family and destroy my line of descendants!”
So David promised this to Saul with an oath. Then Saul went home, but David and his men went back to their stronghold.'
1 Samuel 24:1-22
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